Hi! Well, some people, if there is someone reading this blog, knows that I’ve posted something similar to this a few months ago. I’ve removed that post due to some trolls coming on a Discord server I was in. They saw my blog and that post and began to do what a troll does best: troll. I’m going to hope something like that doesn’t happen again. I know this isn’t the usual stuff I talk about here, but it’s my blog and I will just talk about whatever interests me at the time.
To some degree, I don’t really think anyone actively reads here, though. I don’t have any telemetry added on this website, mainly because I don’t exactly like it, but I feel like maybe I should add some privacy respecting telemetry, just to tell me how many read this blog. But yeah, I don’t have any way of knowing how many see what I say here. I consider that number close to one. I know there is a friend who reads my posts (you know who you are, cheers), but besides that person, I don’t think there’s someone else that reads my blog. Is that an issue? Well, no, not really, but it certainly doesn’t help my morale around this either. It’s both a blessing and a curse, I feel like. It’s a blessing because I’m free to do whatever I please. I’ve my own little place of the web, controlled by a mega corporation, but still, a place I call mine. and I can whatever I please, without anyone really giving a shit. It’s a curse too, though, because I would like people to see what I say. I feel like I perhaps can help someone out there with what I say, that I’ve some sort of positive effect on others, which, to be honest, it’s something I kinda long for currently.
Without getting too much info out there, I feel quite lonely a lot of the time. It’s my fault for the most part. Being online for a good chunk of time certainly doesn’t help someone’s social skills, but I feel like there aren’t a lot of people really interested in hearing me ramble about why Linux isn’t popular or my current progress in osu (by the way, I kinda stopped playing that game. I wanna get back into it, but I don’t really have the energy to do currently). Sure, those things aren’t the only things I care or talk about, but they are a good chunk of that and, well, I don’t really think there are a lot of people interested in that. It’s true I don’t really open up either, though. It’s, again, a blessing and a curse: I’m free to explore whatever I want, to do whatever I please, without angring someone close to me, but I don’t have anyone to share my explorations with, my wishes and my ideas and my fears and whatnot. There’s this place, but who exactly reads here? Future me, maybe?
It’s a bit of a mess inside my head, to be honest. I feel like the exam I had this summer, at the end of my high school and technically school as a whole, followed by the fact didn’t get accepted in any university to study computer science left me a bit… disappointed and stressed out about my future. It’s, again, my fault mostly. I tried at only one university this summer, university where the college or program or major I wanted to study at was really searched for this year, so I didn’t had a chance. I really wish I could be a programmer or software engineer, but I kinda wonder if what I want is a bit too far fetched with the way I want things to be. I don’t really know, to be honest. Computers, and to some degree video games, are the only things I feel confident in, which doesn’t really help me, I feel like. I ultimately don’t really know, however.
Yeah, I just don’t really know. I don’t know what exactly it is that I want currently, I don’t know what the future holds for me, I don’t know… a lot of things. It’s all… a mess in my head and I don’t know if I can sort it out myself. It seems too big of a task. I can only hope that future me has sorted it out, one way or another, and now reads fondly at this.
Well, thanks for reading this… thing. I know I haven’t gone into detail, mainly because I actually want to protect my IRL identity. I will try to do some things to this website and potentially make it better. I don’t exactly have anything else to do, so why not? See ya around.